Captain Manser's Blog #5
I'M NOT IN THE MOOD RIGHT NOW. IN FACT, I HAVEN'T BEEN FOR SOME TIME, TO HEAR A LOT OF NOISE IN THE CAMP ABOUT MY MOTIVATIONS. IF IT WERE IN QUESTION WHAT I MEAN TO DO HERE, WHY WOULD I HAVE BEEN CHOSEN? YES, I DO HAVE A DRINK TO UNWIND FROM TIME TO TIME. AND YES, I DO THINK IT HELPS. I AM NOT MEANT TO SIT IN WAIT FOREVER. THIS IS A WAR INSIDE ME AND YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE ON THE LINE.
I HAVE BEEN SLEEPING ONLY LONG ENOUGH TO WAKE UP FROM DREAMS THAT SEEM MOSTLY LIKE MEMORIES. SCREAMS. CRYING. BEGGING. FEAR IS THERE ALL THE TIME FROM THE PEOPLE AROUND ME, WHEN I DREAM. IT WEARS ON ME. AND I DO TAKE THIS MISSION SERIOUSLY. IT'S NOT HATE THAT MOTIVATES ME. IT'S SOMETHING MUCH TOO HARD TO EXPLAIN HERE JUST FOR THE COPORATES TO FEEL BETTER. OR FOR OTHER OFFICERS IN THE ORGANIZATION TO FEEL COMFORTABLE EITHER. I HAVE BEEN WITH THE COMPANY SINCE IT WAS CONCEPTUALIZED. IN MANY WAYS, IT HAS SAVED ME FROM A LONG LIST OF BAD DECISIONS ABOUT THIS LIFE. BUT I ALSO BELIEVE THAT I HAVE SAVED THE COMPANY FROM A LAUNDRY LIST OF HORSESHIT IDEAS ABOUT THE NEXT LIFE WAITING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE VIRUS. I DON'T INTEND TO PACIFY ANYONE FOR THE PURPOSES OF POLITICAL OR CORPORATE MEANS. I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DO THAT. FUCK THAT.
I NEED TO SEE THE VIRUS TO UNDERSTAND IT. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? JUST STORIES AND REPORTS FROM OTHER PEOPLE DOES NOT AN ADEQUATE SOLDIER MAKE. THAT IS FOR THE SCIENTIST AND THE GODDAMNED PSYCHOLOGISTS. I HAVE TO HAVE THE ROTTEN BASTARDS IN FRONT OF ME OR ELSE HOW DO I KEEP THE BOYS TRAINED. I DON'T NEED PRESSURE FROM ANYWHERE BUT THE TRUTH THAT IS COMING OVER THE HILL. WE WILL SUCCEED ONLY WHEN WE KNOW WHAT THE SITUATION WILL REALLY BE LIKE. ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT.
YOURS TRULY,
CAPTAIN MOTHERFUCKING MANSER
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